I am not having a good day. I have a splitting headache and everyone and everything is annoying me. If I were 18 months old, like my daughter, I would pout and throw a tantrum. Sadly, this option is not considered socially acceptable in a 31-year-old. Plus I’d have to clean up the mess. Bummer.
My son has more or less been “asked to leave” his playgroup. He has Asperger’s Syndrome and prefers to play on his own rather than in a group. That, apparently, is unacceptable in the village playgroup. He didn’t scream and roar or hit anybody. He didn’t do anything to bother the other kids, or otherwise disrupt the group. He simply preferred to play in a corner with a red fire truck rather than play with Play Doh.
I don’t want to raise a brat. If he’d behaved badly, AS or no AS, I’d be on the playgroup leader’s side. But FFS, he didn’t do anything except be himself. He’s simply a bit different, doesn’t say much, and tends to become passionately interested in a single object in a way that most other little kids don’t. His favourite toy in the playgroup is the aforementioned fire truck. The playgroup leader finds it “unnerving” that this is the only toy he wants to play with, and the fact that he’s different is apparently “scaring” the other kids.
To cut a long rant short, I was advised that he’d be better off in a playgroup for mentally handicapped kids. Apparently, my attempts to explain what Asperger’s Syndrome is and what it ISN’T fell on deaf ears. Oh, and she also discussed my son’s condition with my neighbour. Without my permission. Aargh!
Thankfully, we have an appointment with another playgroup in mid-June. The leader of that playgroup didn’t seem fazed in the least when I mentioned AS. She actually had a notion of what it was. Fingers crossed that it works out.
I know this will not be the last time I encounter prejudice and misunderstandings about what AS is. However, it’s still all new to me. I haven’t yet developed the thick skin I’m going to need to deal with this.
In more positive news: I received the first four books in Mary Balogh’s Huxtable series in today’s post. Thank goodness for good books!
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I’m so sorry about that hon. People can be so stupid sometimes. I hope the new group will work out better for your boy and you.
((hugs))
And books are always good.
Buh to the silly cow.
So sorry to read about this situation. (I saw Susi’s RT on twitter about this post)…That playgroup (at least the “leader”) does not sound like a very kind or gentle or understanding place. Anyone in the childcare industry who does not understand AS is not competent in her field, and not a good advocate for the children. I hope the new playgroup works out and your son likes it.
Enjoy the Mary Balogh books!
(I just read your ‘mysteries for romance fans’ section….I also love Elizabeth Peters and Sujata Massey…have you tried Annette Blair’s new vintage mystery series?…it is really cute and perfect for romance-lovers!)
Best of luck,
Penny
Glad it sounds like you have another group for him. My mind is still boggling that someone would boot out a kid for being too quiet. I’ll join you in an “aargh!”
Back in the 1950s, when my dad was a low-level professor at Yale, my mother placed my older brother (then a toddler) in the preschool run by Yale’s famous Gesell Child Study Center (now renamed, but also now a leader in autism studies — the irony of which will become apparent). My brother (I’ll call him Reeves) was an odd child. My mother found him challenging, so when she got to the CSC, she tried to explain that.
Well, they were hearing nothing of that. The director took my mother around and behaved as though all problems that parents have with children are direct reflections on the parents! When it came to Reeves’s specific quirks, the director was calm but firm — as if to say, “Yes, of course you fail; you are but a puny parent. We will succeed because we are Yale! We are Gesell!”
You know how this story ends. One day my mother showed up early. The other kids were having circle time. But off in a corner, barricaded by all the toys he liked exclusive control of, was Reeves. When my mother raised an eyebrow at a hapless staff member (the director was nowhere to be seen), the person just smiled nervously and said, “We find it’s easier this way.”
Now, Reeves has never been diagnosed with anything (although the playing exclusively with his favorite toys has continued to the present — and he’s pushing 60!) but the behavior is pretty telling. My mother, when she would tell that story, was slyly self-congratulatory. How likely was it that it was her fault when the *professionals* couldn’t manage any better?
Oh, and if it helps, he turned out pretty great: a computer whiz, then a lawyer, then a lawyer for a computer whiz (Michael Dell). After Dell’s IPO, Reeves had made enough money to retire on, so he did.
Oh, that’s just infuriating! I know people with Asperger’s, so when stuff like this happens, it just steams me. It sounds like he was “scaring” the leader rather than the other kids, though. I hope his next playgroup is more warm and accepting for him!
I am so sorry to hear this. I don’t even know what to say.
Huh?!? I’m so sorry Sarah. It sounds like you and your son are breaking the ground for AS in your village. They’ll ‘get it’ in about 10-15 years – no more help for your family, but hopefully more accepting for someone else that comes along.
Thanks, everyone, for your kind comments. I’ve managed to calm down a bit with the aid and assistance of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
I’m coming to realise that Asperger’s Syndrome is not well-known in Switzerland beyond medical professionals. Whenever I mention it to friends from English speaking countries, they’ve at least heard of it, even if they don’t have an in depth understanding of what it is.
Most Swiss don’t seem to have heard of it, which means the next best explanation is to say it’s an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Then they latch onto the word ‘Autism’ and immediately assume he’s intellectually challenged. As he doesn’t say much in any case, and makes little to no eye contact if he doesn’t know the person, anyone who doesn’t understand what AS is might get that impression.
It’s frustrating for me because I know he understands a lot more than strangers give him credit for, including what they say about him. In other words, if the playgroup leader said something which hurt his feelings, he’d retreat even more into himself, thus reinforcing her conviction that he’s lacking in the smarts department.
We have the opposite issue with some of our relatives who insist he can’t have AS because he talks to them, makes eye contact and is affectionate.
Wow, how frustrating! I agree that whoever runs that playgroup is in the wrong field and is VERY unprofessional. Hopefully the next group is much better.
I’d never heard of AS until a romance novel came around with a hero who had it (Lord Ian?), but I find it sad that anyone would want to exclude your child for being different! My daughter’s kindergarten class has a boy with disabilities, and an aide just for him. It’s good for the whole group, I think. They treat him like any other classmate.
Hope the new playgroup works out. What that leader said is cruel, IMO.
Ouch. That leader is moronic, but so depressingly typical. That type is everywhere, regardless of nationality, profession, gender, age, etc.
You probably won’t be able to learn to develop a thick skin (my mum never did), but you’ll learn to develop certain levels of toleration for different scenarios and/or people. Throughout my childhood years, my mum couldn’t handle people’s assumptions about me (in their eyes, a learning difficulty equals retardation, which resulted in talking to me as if I was a three-year-old or letting me get away with things when I shouldn’t be allowed to).
But on the bright side, it can teach you and your family including your son to learn how to handle any scenarios and people with diplomatic ease.
so sorry sarah, but your son is lucky to have a wonderful supportive family! i also hadn’t heard of AS until I read Nicholas Sparks’ Dear John. it’s amazing what we learn from reading novels!
Wow that sucks. I always had this mental picture of the Swiss being so enlightened but, at least, where you are and that particular Play Group (and esp. the leader) it seems, not so much. I hope you find a better one. I don’t know much about AS really, but I’m sure it’s good for your son to spend time with other children in play groups and such. Don’t give up!
((HUGS)) I am sorry.
Hey,
Just saw this now….that is absolutely staggering!!! What a complete idiot…the wee man is best off out of that place anyway. Ignorance on such a scale is not condusive to a great education, particularly for a bright child, as he is. …Had to respond as my mouth quite literally fell open when I read this! Disgustedly yours, Lyd. XO