I was going to change the working title of this blog post and make it a little more PC, but on request from Edie, the original remains. 
We’ve probably all witnessed online craziness at one time or another. Authorial meltdowns, bloggers going ballistic, the dude from ‘Happy Days’ doing whatever it was that he did to piss everyone off, and so on and so forth.
I am – or was – active online in three areas: books (primarily romance novels and mysteries), board games, and, at one point, birth boards. Of the three, the birth boards tend to attract the real loony tunes. It makes sense, of course. Put several hundred hormonal woman together, plus the odd pervert thrown in for shits and giggles, and you will have meltdowns of epic proportions.
When I was pregnant with my son, I couldn’t wait to join a birth board and interact with other women at the same stage of pregnancy as I was. I envisioned a warm and cozy atmosphere in which the joys of impending motherhood would be shared, and support would be offered to those with questions or problems.
The stick had barely turned blue when I registered at an American site specialising in info and advice for pregnant women and new parents. I lasted five days. I joined at around the same time as one poster was unveiled as a sicko who trolled the boards asking women to describe their vaginal discharge and other intimate details. Apparently, pervs were par for the course and no birth board was complete without at least one. I bailed and found a British site.
My new birth board was much more congenial than the first. (In other words, there were no obvious sexual deviants.) The atmosphere on the board was mostly positive while we were all still pregnant. Inevitably, there were a few sad stories of miscarriages and stillbirths, but no one behaved nastily to another poster for the longest time. Yes, there were a few annoying people who only ever seemed to post when they wanted to bitch about their evil exes, or detail their latest family drama, but I tended to ignore them.
The trouble began the nearer our due dates loomed. There were a couple of militant home birthers who felt the need to criticize anyone not intending to give birth at home. Fights broke out and feelings were hurt. Women whose pregnancies were easy belittled those who had problems. Apparently, they weren’t real women, or were just complainers or drama queens.
A more positive environment returned briefly when everyone started having their babies and posting birth announcements. This happy, clappy atmosphere lasted until war broke out between The Breastfeeding Mafia and The Bottlefeeders. (I was in No Man’s Land as I did mixed feeding with my son.) Then someone had the bright idea to hold a weekly debate. Fun topics such as abortion, religion, working mothers and ‘Traditional Family Values’ were hashed out with vigour. Every week, regular posters announced their intention never to return and flounced off in an indignant huff.
The crowning glory, though, was a poster who was suspected of faking her son’s death and inventing several subsequent tragedies in a bid for attention. Let’s call her Rebecca. Rebecca’s son was born two months premature. He had a number of health issues, and eventually died of meningitis when he was eight months old…or so she claimed. In the meantime, Rebecca had miscarried twins and had a stillbirth. A few months later, she had a baby girl, who also died when she was just a few months old. Rebecca had another stillbirth, followed by a couple more miscarriages. This all happened over a period of eighteen months, or so. Then it transpired that the photos of Rebecca’s supposedly deceased children had been swiped from another birth board. When confronted, Rebecca’s profile mysteriously disappeared and she never posted again.
Romland has had its fair share of dramas but I have yet to experience anything (or anyone) as insane as on birth boards.
Are you active online beyond book blogs and review sites? If so, how high is the drama potential?
{ 17 comments }
Wow! That’s all I can say. Nothing and nobody has been that wacked out anywhere I’ve gone on line. I’d blame it on hormones, but there’s got to be some mental illness tucked into the corners of those stories, too.
@Magdalen: Yeah, that’s what I think. I suspected something was odd about Rebecca for the longest time but I didn’t dare say anything in case even part of her story was true. When the business of the swiped photos came to light, I think there were several of us who weren’t all that surprised.
ETA: A friend who works in healthcare said any online boards relating to medical issues have a tendency to attract the crazies.
Hey! What a great blog post title!
” ETA: A friend who works in healthcare said any online boards relating to medical issues have a tendency to attract the crazies. ”
Dude it is the internet, it is nothing but full of crazies.
You don’t even need to go to a birth board, or blogs, just read the newspaper article comments.
@Edie: “You don’t even need to go to a birth board, or blogs, just read the newspaper article comments.”
So, so true. They make me fear for humanity.
Me too! They can be seriously horrifying. I have had to ban myself from reading them. Not good for my health.
Ohmagod, I’m glad there were no Birth Boards around when I was giving birth. Crazy-ass people seem to be all over the internet. Don’t they have real lives? Don’t they have limits on how much detail they want to share with the whole online world?? At my age and stage, I will be avoiding all websites involving Menopausal Moaning Minnies. I’ll stick to book and music reviews, they can get heated but never hormonally so…
Wow just wow. This makes me re-think all the times I’ve given my snail mail addy over the internet for books…trying not to panic now.
I stay away from Amazon discussion forums for some strange reason it brings together the b and itch.
Ha! That’s child’s play. You should see some of the fights my cousins have on Facebook.
I’ve also found any sort of parenting blog or forum has been more stressful than it’s worth. I’ve only kept visiting two sites — one is a UK-based site the emails me developmental milestones each month, and a blog by a family day care provider whose advice has been an enormous help to me. (I visit other blogs, but mainly because I’m friends with the bloggers.)
The hubby has been to religious forums. Not only is the drama potential sky high, but they argue about the most ridiculous things.
Regarding Rebecca…one positive I can think of is that she’s just getting her kicks online and not actually harming kids to get sympathy.
Oh, my god.
Drama divas and egomaniacs certainly exist among male-dominated film message boards. There are three types:
– those who like to scream “Rip-off!!!!” to a new film release and cite their usually favourite director’s film as proof.
My all-time favourite accusation: one blasted Toshiya Fujita’s ‘Lady Snowblood’ – just released on DVD – for “ripping off” Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Kill Bill’. He completely refused to believe it when someone pointed out that ‘Lady Snowblood’ pre-dates ‘Kill Bill’ by thirty years.
– those who compete against each other in leading ‘intellectual’ discussions.
Most talk utterly BS most times. They can be *so* pretentious, too. And tend to be rude towards the others who they feel are “intellectually inferior” to them. They get truly upset if they were proven wrong.
When that happens, they nurse a grudge hard enough to stalk their ‘offender’ by disputing every response an offender makes. If it’s just a harmless question, such as “Does anyone know when [film] was made?”, one of those bullies would jump in with this horrible link: http://www.justfuckinggoogleit.com
It was used so often that the admin managed to ban that link from all boards. Even now, I hate that link because of how it upset some users.
As a p/t moderator I sometimes find it really difficult to resist a temptation to kick them off the board, especially when they put others down for being “intellectually inferior”, but unfortunately the board’s policy won’t justify my decision. Boo! We nickname them “BS Puffers”.
– those who compete against each other with their favourite film lists, along with a tendency to – *cough* – critique, like so:
“Why [censored] is Back to the Future on your top-100 list? Are you that [censored] stupid? Where’s 300? Raging Bull? Ugetsu Monogatari? Pulp Fiction? Der Untergang? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Ran? Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cattivo? The Treasure of the Sierra Madre? Das Boot? Chinatown? Cidade de Deus?! L’Avventura?!! HELLO?!!! BACK TO THE FUTURE?!!! FAIL!!!!!!!!”
No matter how many times we remind them that lists are a matter of personal taste, they do it. It’s basically a piss contest for most of them.
Sorry for being so long-winded, but getting all that off my chest is so liberating.
Edited:
Another least favourite type: — Reminders.
To a list-maker: “You forgot [title].”
To a fan of a film: “You forgot to mention [actor or scene].”
To a moderator: “You forgot to kick [user] off.”
To a film discussion: “You forgot [director] filmed [film] 13 years ago.”
To posters who make recommendations: “You forgot [film], [film], [film], and [film].”
Yeah. There’s always drama! Before I started my blog I used to spend a lot of time just lurking in a book forum and there was drama there regarding politics, random kurfluffles (over really minor stuff), and then were cliques and the alphas of the groups etc etc. Pretty much the usual. Anonymity seems to bring it out more too.
The pervert reminds me of this guy who used to call the girls where I went to university and pretend he was doing a sex survey. What a creep. Wanted to know what the girls sexual fantasies were and such.
I recently googled “hotel maid” and came across this insane thread about men who hang around nude in hotel rooms, endeavoring to be seen by housekeeping staff. I was baffled by the sheer number of comments/confessions. Like, 800 of them. Detailed fantasies or ??? Sometimes I’m comforted by the possibility that people are making shit up.
When we were undergoing one of our ritual kerfluffles and before I had the sense to mostly avoid the train wrecks … I remember Jessica saying (my words) “You think this is something, you should check out the Disney boards” and I’ve never forgotten that. How could there be blood on the cyber walls in conjunction with Mouse Ears … so to answer your question, nope, only here. From the Suz board of yesteryear to a shakedown of a male stripper, never boring in Romlandia!
But those birth boards sound just wild! I had three … no drugs … midwives et al … breastfeeding but honestly, just because how could anyone ask a nursing mum to do anything but hold the baby and R E A D whilst doing it!
LOL, yes I was very involved in the DIS boards for several years (although that stopped when I became a Romanceland member!).
There were a few “known issues” that would send anyone and everyone into apoplectic fits:
1. Using the pool at a resort other than the one you are staying at
2. Trying to get your child aged 3 in to the parks for free by saying s/he’s only 2
3. Reusing your refillable resort mug on a subsequent trip
4. Purchasing partially used park tickets on EBay
So every time someone makes fun of Romanceland for our “kerfuffles”, I just shake my head. People don’t realize how sane we really are around here.
I stayed far far away from the birth boards and I am sure it helped my blood pressure during my pregnancies.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I was on a birth/parent board that was off the hook full of crazies.
There was one woman that faked having cancer. She made up a story about her husband/boyfriend leaving her and she was caring for her children by herself while fighting cancer. Members of the board felt sorry for her and raised a great deal of money for her, some that lived in her area even dropped by her home to help her with her children and even cooking and cleaning.
This was a few years ago so I don’t remember exactly how she got caught in the lie but while she was supposedly in hospital receiving treatment one of the members saw her out and about town. Some off board emailing went back and forth between members and the police were eventually called. After a police investigation it was found out she didn’t have cancer but they wanted to have proof that she was running a scam to receive money so one of the members called her and told her she had a big check for her and she was going to drop it off by her house. Once she accepted the check the police pulled up and arrested her after a short foot chase. Another member that had accompanied the women with the check took photos of the whole chase and arrest and posted it on the board. Turns out she was on parole already. I can’t remember what for, she was working in the healthcare field and stole prescriptions I believe. She ended up being convicted and sentenced to jail time. It even made the news.
Wow! That sounds like some crazy stuff. Crafting boards and perfumery are pretty tame compared to any of this. We’ve had the occasional, “I arranged to swap x yarn for y and this person never sent their end. Beware of thief!” scuffles, but that’s about it.
For work, I follow some mental health and dementia boards, though. Some of the situations there are very sad and I feel bad for the people involved, but there are also some amazing flamewars and drama antics. The professional association boards aren’t bad, but some of the more general ones really are volatile. Because of that, I tend to lurk rather than comment.
Thanks for all your stories! I had to laugh out loud at some. The internet does tend to bring out the crazies. Despite kerfuffles galore, it makes me glad that book blogs and romance sites are pretty tame in comparison.