I came across this article in the online edition of the Daily Mail. In order to set an example to the girls in her school, a headmistress was back at her desk seven hours after giving birth!
She is determined that the girls at her exclusive school will not be afraid to ‘have it all’ when they get older.
So when headmistress Dr Helen Wright had her third child she decided to personally show that you can combine a top career and children – by being back at her desk just seven hours after giving birth.
Dr Wright, 39, went into labour early in the morning and was back at £9,300-a-term St Mary’s Calne school in Calne, Wiltshire, by lunchtime with newborn Jessica in tow.
Every school day since, she has brought her baby in, breast-feeding her between meetings and letting her doze during the more arduous parts of her schedule.
When I read this article, my initial reaction was: “WTF?”. I had to think about it for a few days before I felt I could write a balanced post on the issue. To put the matter in perspective, this was Dr Wright’s third baby and she had a straightforward birth. I’m assuming she would not have returned to work had either she or the baby experienced any complications, or had she had a caesarean.
I realise the experience of childbirth varies from woman to woman, and from birth to birth. My own experience of the 24 hours after giving birth was weeping, sleeping and bolting to the bathroom. I couldn’t have imagined leaving my hospital room, never mind heading back to work. I am, however, willing to accept that there are women who feel fit enough to exercise straight after having a baby (American fitness guru, Denise Austin, claims to have done this), and a fortunate few who feel awake enough to concentrate on work. Perhaps Dr Wright is one of them.
My chief objection to Dr Wright’s situation is her stated purpose for returning to work so soon. She wanted to set an example for her female pupils, to show the girls that they could “have it all”. I take umbrage with this for two reasons, which I’ll explain here in detail.
Firstly, Dr Wright’s work situation is not typical of most new mothers. As headmistress, presumably she has her own office, with a door she can close for privacy. She likely has a secretary who brings her the odd cup of tea or a snack. As the boss, she can set the times for most of her meetings, and her position probably entails mostly admin work and meetings, not standing in a classroom for a set amount of time in front of 25+ pupils.
When I returned to work after having my children, it was to a school in which I was a regular teacher, not the head. I had to fight with my boss to get time between classes to pump milk as I was still breast-feeding. I was put in a room with no lock on the door and had exactly 15 minutes to unpack my pump, pump milk, repack it and get to my next lesson. This was also on my own time, by the way, not paid time. Once a male student walked in on me while I was pumping. Not much fun, I can tell you. Even were it not illegal for a woman in Switzerland to work the eight weeks after giving birth, my boss would never have let me bring the baby to school, and rightly so. There is no way I could teach a class and look after a newborn simultaneously. Yes, they sleep a lot, but mine generally slept in small bursts of 15 minutes or so, then demanded food, burping, a new nappy or attention.
The second reason I object to Dr Wright’s claiming she’s “setting an example” is that I would contend she is the exception rather than the rule in terms of how fit a woman feels directly after giving birth. As I mentioned above, this baby was her third child. What of women who have their first babies? Are they supposed to head back to work straight after, with no one to give them any guidance, or help them with nursing, if that’s the route they choose? Has Dr Wright never heard of a postpartum haemorrhage, or other complications which can occur after a mother and baby are declared fit and healthy? Or what of simple tears which can be really painful for the first while? Did Dr Wright have to walk around with ice pads in her knickers, or sit on a rubber ring? Even in the case of women who opt for a home birth, they usually take it easy and get as much rest as they can.
I’m all for women having the choice to combine family and career if they so wish, or to opt out for a while to look after their kids. However, I think every mother I know would say that while you can combine the two, sacrifices have to be made. A mother who takes a career break – as I am doing – runs the risk of being too long out of the workforce to find the sort of job her education qualifies her for. A woman who returns to work full-time misses out on time with her children when they are small. There is no ideal situation, and, depending on individual circumstances, some women don’t have a choice about whether they work or stay at home.
Dr Wright might think she’s setting an example to her pupils but I don’t think she’s being realistic. Her situation is exceptional and she can hardly except all women to have a similar set-up. Plus, were this to become a trend, there’s a real danger that employers might come to expect it of all their female employees – minus the tag-along baby, of course. I am of the opinion that maternity leave in most countries is too short as it is, yet Dr Wright’s tacit suggestion is to eradicate it entirely.
Woman are equal to men but, to state the obvious, we are not the same. Misguided people like Dr Wright might feel they’re advancing the feminist cause, when in reality they’re making life for working mothers more complicated than it already is.
Some Questions for You:
- Do you think Dr Wright is to be condemned or commended for her decision to return to work so soon?
- How easy is it to combine having children and pursuing a career where you live?
(Answers are welcome from everybody, by the way, not just people with children.)
{ 22 comments }
Laughable.
As one who was off work for 8 wks, c-section and infection. In antenatal for 5 days and c-section….
But in Canada we have 1 yr of maternity leave. Mother’s get 4mths and can opt to go back at that time and their spouses get the other 8… or they can mix up the other 8 btwn them however it suits them.
So the likelihood of this happening here… is ZERO. Also, here Dr’s are adamant about doing nothing for 6wks that makes you uncomfortable. No matter how the birth went.
I wouldn’t condemn Dr. Wright, nor would I commend her.
It’s nice and cool if you are strong enough or even want to get back to work right after giving birth, but I think this sends the wrong message to girls. One that says that if you can’t get back to work right away after giving birth, you’re somehow a loser or inadequate.
It this kind of thing that actually puts more pressure on women to do it all, which is impossible. Something’s going to give and maybe your baby’s care is what’s going to hurt in that.
Anyway… I’ve never had kids, so I can’t really say, but I hate that women push other women to live up to certain standards when it comes to child care vs career.
One could debate pedagogical approaches, but are you saying that setting an example creates an issue of representation? For example:
“Firstly, Dr Wright’s work situation is not typical of most new mothers. … The second reason I object to Dr Wright’s claiming she’s “setting an example” is that I would contend she is the exception rather than the rule in terms of how fit a woman feels directly after giving birth.”
I would say that examples don’t have to be universal; that’s why they’re only examples, not rules or natural laws, and also why having a variety of examples can be a good thing. She’s an example of one set of circumstances and preferences. Hers is probably not the only example her pupils ever see; quite a few of them will see their mothers go through a birth and recovery.
Am I missing your point?
@farmwifetwo: A year? That’s not bad at all! I got 14 weeks paid leave plus two weeks unpaid. Switzerland only introduced paid maternity leave in 2005 or thereabouts. After the 16 weeks are up, a woman has to return to her job or lose it. A man gets 1 day of paternity leave under law, but my husband got a week as he’s a government employee.
@LVLM: “I hate that women push other women to live up to certain standards when it comes to child care vs career.”
Yes! That drives me crackers.
@RfP: No, you’re not missing my point at all. While I respect your theory that the girls in Dr Wright’s school will see a number of examples of how a woman can combine career and childbirth, I wonder how likely the girls are to find themselves in Dr Wright’s situation when they themselves have children. It would depend very much on their chosen professions, on how flexible their employer is, and on how fit they are directly after childbirth. If Dr Wright wanted to set an example, she could have as easily done it by going back to work two weeks after the birth. Seven hours is extreme in my book.
Such is life and good for her. I’m sure there’s a lot of things that people can do that aren’t normally done. A co-worker gave birth vaginally with no pain medication (she did this twice) but people have choices (to medicate or not medicate) so I don’t like that she is exemplifying her situation as some type of trend that others can follow. Each individual is different (health wise) and so while I commend her for being healthy enough to go straight back to work after giving birth seven hours earlier, don’t expect other women to do so.
“Seven hours is extreme in my book.”
Yes, but apparently not in hers. One of my colleagues did much the same with baby #3. Perhaps it was 18 hours; whatever the timing, it was fast and it worked for her. Another colleague said she could never have done that; still another colleague said she wished she’d done something similar but felt pressure to stay home. Regardless, I’m still intrigued by the apparent importance of examples: why does someone else’s choice imply judgment of others’ choices? Is the phrase “setting an example” so loaded that it implies that it’s the ONLY example?
@RfP: “Is the phrase “setting an example” so loaded that it implies that it’s the ONLY example?”
It shouldn’t mean that, of course, but any time anyone told me that someone’s behaviour was exemplary, or that I should set an example, I interpreted it to mean the way I *should* act ideally as opposed to one possibility in a range of options. So, yes, that’s the way I understood the phrase.
If, however, Dr Wright meant it to show one way in which a mother could combine career and childbearing, then fair enough. I’m not judging her for going back to work so soon. That was her decision and both she and her baby seem happy and healthy. I am sceptical, though, that her situation is easily replicated for the majority of working mothers.
Thanks for your input!
If she wasn’t the boss she couldn’t bring her baby to work. Wonder how she would feel if one of her students gave birth and showed up 7 hours later to raise her baby in the classroom? Are the other teachers or her secretary supposed to double up as on site nannies? I think she’s setting a terrible example for young girls. If ‘having it all’ means that you can’t delegate the work and take the maternity leave allowed by law, then what has been the point in securing maternity benefits for working mothers?
After my second child by c-section, I thought I was a rockstar for resuming my housekeeping duties within a week. Going back to work the same day? Ha. I don’t know why anyone would want to follow this extreme example. Whoopty-do, good for her, etc. but a miraculously short recovery is more of a fluke than an achievement.
I wouldn’t but back in the olden days, didn’t women give birth in the fields and then go back right away to working in the fields?
How long does a doctor recommend you take off if you have a smooth labor?
@Trish: “Wonder how she would feel if one of her students gave birth and showed up 7 hours later to raise her baby in the classroom?”
LMAO! So, so true.
@Jill Sorenson: Wow! I didn’t have a c-section but I wasn’t doing serious housework for a couple of weeks after the birth.
@katiebabs: Medical advice seems to vary from country to country. The Swiss are on the conservative side with 5 nights in hospital directly after the birth and then 8 weeks in total before a woman is legally allowed to resume work.
If that’s what this woman felt comfortable doing, then more power to her. However, I’m not sure about the example it sets for students. It seems like it would make them think something is wrong with them if they’re not strong enough to have a baby and then go on as if nothing had happened. I know this is a girl’s school, but it seems like a good example in my book would be showing how she can have her child, she and the dad can have leave to actually welcome this new addition and then both go back to work.
Also – I had no idea about the Swiss laws! Over here, we’re just taught about how crappy US leave is compared to “Western Europe” as a monolithic block. However, I have to say that while 12 weeks unpaid family leave is what is required here, most companies I’ve dealt with give a month or two of actual paid leave on top of that. There are nightmare horror story exceptions (particularly for retail workers), but many of the major employers in my area of the country do more than the bare minimum.
@Lynn Spencer: The Swiss as a nation are extremely conservative when it comes to working mothers. Most mothers I know either don’t work, or only do so for one or two days per week, leaving their children to be looked after by grandparents. At least in our canton, daycare is really hard to find, and extremely expensive even if you do.
On the other hand, Switzerland was the first nation to pass a law to allow same sex marriages by referendum, and abortion is (still) covered by the obligatory health insurance. It never ceases to amaze me how different mentalities are from country to country.
Maternity leave is much better in Germany (where I used to live) and Ireland (where I was born). German mothers get a year of paid maternity leave at 67% of their salaries, plus two further years unpaid, and their jobs are held open for them. Not a bad deal!
I wouldn’t have done with either of my children, but I *couldn’t* have done it, at all, with my first.
Not because the labor or birth had any complications, or were even long, but because that child did. not. sleep. for two years. I’m not kidding either–I kept a log of the minutes he slept vs the hour long feedings and the screaming fits in between, because the pediatrician didn’t believe me.
He didn’t I sleep though he nursed; I didn’t sleep, period–though I “enjoyed” a long and unattended postpartum depression.
Now, with my second baby, I could have done it in a snap: she slept nine and a half hours right after being born, and from there it was six hours a night and three hours between feedings.
In the end, I think it’s a good thing to have the choice–I believe some women would do better (for themselves and the baby) going to work as soon as physically able, rather than staying home with a newborn.
I think the headmistress is pretty crazy. If she can do it, great for her, but what world does she expect her students to live in–Stepford? I resent the very implication that I should pop out babies like a good little reproducer and then hippity-hop on back to work with a big smile on face the next day. FRAK THAT.
I think everyone can have “it all,” whatever that means to them, but not all at once and not in the way they expect. She should be teaching her students that if she wants to set a good example.
So many thoughts…
As a woman without kids, I think I’d be pissed if I had to suddenly share my office or workspace with someone else’s children every day. I wasn’t there for the conception, why do I have to be there for the hassles?
As a woman who thinks life is hard enough, I think it’s ridiculous to expect any woman to give the best of her time, energy and intellect to a job while her kid is on her hip. And, on the other side of that, I think it’s ridiculous to expect to raise a happy, loved, productive member of society if your focus is always on the job.
As a woman who lives in the real world, I think the job of mother and child-care provider (and yes, teacher) is hugely undervalued in our society and our thinking about it in this society needs a massive overhaul. But taking your newborn to work every day is not the solution.
Neither laughable, nor laudable. Ridiculous is what it is!
This to me is an extremely unrealistic expectation and takes women’s rights in a totally wrong direction. In fact, I see this as taking women’s health and long term well-being in a huge step backwards.
Women are different from men biologically, but NOT in mental capability. Pregnancy, labor, and delivery are extremely hard on the body. Whether natural or not, the enormous change takes a toll on the body and deplete it of every resource it needs to be healthy. If a woman is to be of use to her baby, her family, her work, and her community, she first has to recover her health. Put on your airplane low-pressure mask first, etc.
This need to jump back into work, just like a man would after his wife gave birth, is ridiculous! Being able to have a career on par with a man’s isn’t solely based on how fast you can get back to work after having had a baby.
To me, this woman is sending the message to her students that if you don’t jump back straightaway into work, your career will suffer. This is a completely wrong message that puts enormous pressure on the girls.
The point is that having a family is an integral part of a human being’s life, be they man or woman. So whether it takes reduced weekly hours, longer gap between birth and return to work, flexible hours, on-site daycare, etc. etc. is what the focus should be on. The point is to allow people to achieve a healthy balance between family and work, and that having a family does not have to negatively impact the careers of either parent. THAT is how one achieves equality. NOT by how fast you return to work after the birthing.
To me, this woman is sending the message to her students that if you don’t jump back straightaway into work, your career will suffer. This is a completely wrong message that puts enormous pressure on the girls.
This was my first thought as well. While I understand (I think) the point she was trying to make, I believe the wording of the article leaves much to be desired. It’s lovely that Dr. Wright was in a position to bring her infant to work, and afforded the opportunity to breast feed in between meetings and etc, but that just isn’t realistic in most cases.
When I gave birth to my first child – which was a relatively easy labor and delivery – I was exhausted mentally and physically. I felt like I needed a full day just to catch up on my sleep (my daughter was born at 7:28 in the a.m., so I was up all night in labor). I felt the same after my son was born (again, another early morning birth). Despite being exhausted, if I had to I’m sure I *could* have gone to work a mere 7 hours later..but why would I want to? And what kind of long term health care issues might arrise from not taking the time to rest after going through something so traumatic?
When I read this to my husband he said, “That’s ridiculous. Your body needs time to recover after giving birth. It’s just another example of a woman trying to prove she’s just as good as a man, when there’s really no contest…men and women are just different, not better or worse.”
I think that says it all.
I’m in the school of thought this is not a good example to set. “See having a baby isn’t such a big deal or change.” or “You can bounce back easy!” Because the ideal of “perfect” is still what’s held up as the only example. If you are not achieving it there is something wrong with you. There are enough messages like that already.
As for how easy it is to have a career and being a mother, it’s not easy and won’t ever be. The only thing you can do is give your job the attention when you are at work and your children when you are with them, because trying to do both at the same time is a recipe for disaster.
I think what needs to change is this definition of “perfect.” Is perfect treating the birth of a child like a 24-hour flu? Or is perfect that both parents need to appreciate and admire the miracle and change that has come into their life, decide how it changes things, and refocus on future career goals? Her point is equality just as my point is equality. The problem arises from her equality being exactly like the man’s. My equality is that both the man and the woman (or the two women or the two men) need to arrive at a new equal. It’s this failure to arrive at the new equal that leads to all the inequalities where women end up playing traditional role and new career role or just the traditional role and end up being squeezed physically, mentally, and in their spirit.
OK, last comment, I promise, Sarah. (Can you tell you’ve highlighted a sensitive topic for me?) Women’s lib has created a framework for how a man and a woman can be equals in the workplace (not that it’s completely happened or anything but the promise is there). However, society has so far been unable to help men and women to create a new equal once the children show up. That is one of the primary reasons women are waiting till their thirties to have kids, thinking that if they make a stab at establishing a career first, it’ll be easier to return to later. Unfortunately, health-wise and family dynamics-wise that is not a wise decision. And unfortunately, it has proved unwise career-wise also. (Doh, ‘wise’.)
@azteclady: No decent sleep for two years? Ouch! How did you survive?
@heidenkind: “I think everyone can have “it all,” whatever that means to them, but not all at once and not in the way they expect. She should be teaching her students that if she wants to set a good example.”
So, so true.
@Venus Vaughn: “As a woman without kids, I think I’d be pissed if I had to suddenly share my office or workspace with someone else’s children every day. I wasn’t there for the conception, why do I have to be there for the hassles?”
LMAO! I’m a woman with kids and I would be pissed if I had to try to concentrate on work with screaming babies – my own or other people’s.
@Holly: I get annoyed when some women insist that we can/should do everything a man can. Not being up to working within hours of giving birth has nothing to do with gender inequality.
@Melissa Blue: “Because the ideal of “perfect” is still what’s held up as the only example. If you are not achieving it there is something wrong with you. There are enough messages like that already.”
Well said. I also find it ironic that most of the pressure put on women to live up to an ideal is created by other women.
@Keira Soleore: “Women’s lib has created a framework for how a man and a woman can be equals in the workplace (not that it’s completely happened or anything but the promise is there). However, society has so far been unable to help men and women to create a new equal once the children show up.”
Yes! While I can’t speak for how it is in other countries, it seems particularly difficult to combine children and career in Switzerland. But that’s a rant for a whole other post!