As a child, I recall reading the “problem pages” in my mother’s magazines with rapt fascination. I’m sure that some of it went over my head, but they were by far my favourite part of her weekly magazine haul. Once I hit adolescence, I loved the advice columns in my teen magazines, particularly Laura’s column in the now-defunct British magazine, My Guy. Laura’s great claim to fame was a successful campaign to ban PE knickers for girls in British schools (some sort of shorts worn in gym class which bore a close resemblance to underwear). Apparently, they created great distress for many a British school girl as they made it obvious if she was wearing a sanitary pad.
I remember being fascinated by the idea of PE knickers because they were the exact opposite of what I wore in my Irish Catholic, all-girls school. Our PE outfit consisted of a baggy aertex shirt coupled with a pair of shorts which resembled a skirt. It was hard to tell what sex we were in that outfit, never mind discern whether or not we were wearing a pad. We were not allowed to shower after PE class in case we’d see each other naked, and most of us had devised a method to get changed in such a way that no one saw our underwear. Looking back, it all seems so ludicrous, but I never questioned it at the time.
I have digressed somewhat from my chosen topic, but thinking about the problem pages of old reminded me of the trials and tribulations of adolescence, and my horrible school uniform in particular.
When I saw an interview with journalist Tanith Carey at The Book Depository, I was intrigued by the idea of her latest non-fiction book. Never Kiss a Man in a Canoe: Words of Wisdom from the Golden Age of Agony Aunts (2009) is a fun selection of agony aunts’ advice from the 1850s to the 1960s. Apart from a detailed preface, Carey makes no attempt to analyse the extracts presented in this book, leaving her readers to interpret them as they will. The extracts are at times amusing, and at times bizarre. They represent a very different sort of agony aunt to the caring, non-judgemental advice provided in today’s magazines and newspapers.
The book is arranged in ten themed chapters, with titles such as Love, Courtship and Marriage; Sex, Sin and Moral Dilemmas; and Careers, Money and a Woman’s Role. I’ve selected a few extracts for your amusement.
From Love, Courtship and Marriage, page 15:
Dear ‘Ta-ra-ra’,
It surprises us that a girl sufficiently educated to write well and spell well should be so deplorably ignorant of the common rules of society to think that she may go out alone with a young man in his canoe. And furthermore, one whom she ‘only knows slightly’.
GIRL’S OWN PAPER, 1895
From Sex, Sin and Moral Dilemmas, page 63:
‘Schoolboy vice’ – Have you not a family doctor you can trust? Glad indeed that you have seen the terrible error. Yes, there is an operation for the evil after effects, but I don’t think it is necessary in your case. Take a cold bath every morning and plenty of good, non-stimulating food.
BOY’S OWN PAPER, 1899
From Health and Happiness, page 167:
‘A Guardian’ – The girl with no vice, but a bad temper, may be improved if you can persuade her to make a trial of the Asylum at the Manor House, Lower Kennington Lane. A weekly payment must be made towards her maintenance. It is not an asylum for girls who have qualified for the Magdalen Hospital, but for pilferers, liars and the like, who may be reasoned out of their errors.
THE WEEKLY MAGAZINE, 1859
And finally, from Exasperated Agony Aunts, page 201:
In a cheery letter from Manchester, ‘Honeysuckle’ laments the fact that she has bought ever so many odd lengths of ribbon at the recent sales and now doesn’t know what to do with them.
I don’t like to think Honeysuckle is lazy, but her brain must be a teeny weeny slow to act. Why, there are hundreds of ideas for using up oddments of ribbon. I’ll get some designed for you all soon. No need to explain how your underwear can be made daintily sweet by threading ribbon through lace, or sewing little bows and frills. Every daughter of Eve knows that.
BETTY’S WEEKLY, 1916
I haven’t assigned a grade to Never Kiss a Man in a Canoe because my grading system is based on my comparative enjoyment of a particular sort of book. As I have nothing to compare it to, it seems unfair to grade this book. Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and would recommend it to anyone curious to see what sort of advice was dispensed by the agony aunts of old. It’s a quick read, and an excellent pick-up, put-down book. One of the problems gave me an idea for a story and I’ve been rolling it around in my head ever since.
For anyone interested in buying Never Kiss a Man in a Canoe, it’s on sale at The Book Depository for €8.26/$11.25 – not a bad price for a hardcover! I’m not in any way affiliated with the author or receiving money for promoting the book. I’m providing the link to The Book Depository as it doesn’t appear to be available outside of Europe, but The Book Depository will ship for free to anywhere in the world.
Some Questions to Ponder:
- What do you think of the “advice” given in the above extracts?
- Do you read advice columns in magazines/newspapers, or did you do so as a teenager?
{ 6 comments }
We had Ann Landers and Dear Abby, famously twin sisters who had a falling out at some point and couldn’t seem to fix their own relationship issues. Nonetheless, their advice was pretty good, if never relevant to my life.
What I remember best was the folksy humor. Someone wrote to Ann Landers with the following story: he was a meter reader and as such he had access to people’s houses (this was 45 years ago; times have changed). He went into one house and was heading down to the basement when he realized that the “lady of the house” was standing in front her clothes washer & dryer, stark naked except for an American football helmet. All he could think to say was, “I hope your team wins.” I still love that image.
I definitely have a thing for reading advice columns. I used to read Ann Landers/Dear Abby in our local paper growing up. I also really like reading Carolyn Hax. They have very different voices, but both are helpful.
Ann Landers/Dear Abby always seemed commonsensical, but basically warm and good-humored to me. Carolyn Hax tends to be a bit more blunt, but some of the letters she prints seems to come from folks who need a bit of straight talk.
I grew up with Dear Abby and Ann Landers, too. I don’t remember the letter about the naked lady in the football helmet, but it’s a good one! The Dear Abby pen name is carried on by her daughter and there was a ‘Best of..’ book published in the 1980s. Ann Landers’ daughter wrote a memoir, allegedly digging the dirt on the sibling rivalry and eventual falling out. I’ve ordered ‘Never Kiss a Man in a Canoe’ and am looking forward to reading it.
I never really thought about it until your post, but I read a lot of advice columns! Dear Abby was in the paper we received while I was growing up; I read it then, and I still read it now with her daughter as the advice maven. I like Dear Prudence, which I read on Slate.com. My Sunday paper runs Dear Miss Manners. I’m always amused how she sticks it to some readers oh-so-pointedly, yet still politely. The paper also runs Carolyn Hax, whom I also read and like.
I’m not sure what it says about me that I read so much advice! I don’t feel aimless. . . .
As far as the advice you included in the extracts–what condescending responses! I laughed out loud at the phrase “every daughter of Eve.”
I didn’t really read advice columns on a regular basis. Those advice snippets are pretty harsh, though! Geez, the girl just wants some ideas on what to do with extra ribbon, you don’t need to bite her head off!
Apart from My Guy’s Laura, I remember Clare Rayner and Miriam Stoppard. Oh, and Tracy Cox.
@Magdalen: @Lynn Spencer: @Trish: @Mary Beth:
I’ve never hear of Ann Landers and Dear Abby! I’m off to check Wikipedia.
@heidenkind: I felt sorry for the poor girl with a bad temper who was being packed off to an asylum.
Thanks for the comments!