Commenting On Blogs: My Take

I was just thinking about this topic last night. I always try to return comments, but don’t always get to it in a time I’d like to. I started getting annoyed when some bloggers (no one who I talk to on Twitter) seemed to ignore my very presence on their blog, but then thought maybe I just read different stuff from them, and thought it was stupid getting mad over something so tiny-because everyone has a different way of dealing with their blog.

I am extremely conscious of this because I don’t always respond to comments on my blog, and this really bothers me. I agree, Sarah, that if someone takes the time to comment, it’s only right to respond in kind, even if it’s just to say thank you. My head is held in shame for not doing this.

And because I do have this problem, I certainly don’t expect others to respond to comments I make on their blogs. Wouldn’t be right.

This makes me more determined than ever to make an effort to respond to those who post at my blog. Thank you Sarah, I needed this kick in the butt! *g*

I always like it when the blogger acknowledges my comment but at the same time I realize that there isn’t always time. Especially, like you already stated, when a post generates on average 50+ comments. That is why I’m always wondering whether to comment on such posts. It always makes me think; Does my comment get lost in the crowd of voices? Do I make sense? And I know myself, I sometimes lose sight of the core topic and start to ramble.

What about bloggers who rarely comment at other people’s blogs? Do you have a problem with this? If so, why?

I do not have a problem with it but it does make me lose track of such a blog/person if their blog isn’t on my blogroll I try to comment on the blogs I regularly visit, I think everyone has its own round of blogs they daily visit and comment on. I try to keep up with my blogroll but life, health and many interests all demand its share of time. If there is one thing I’ve come to realize myself over the last few months is that I would love to be everywhere but I just can’t. I try to give each commenter on my own blog a reply, but it sometimes might take a moment because I’m under the weather It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy each and everyone’s comment or try to be aloof. Real life just gets in the way of virtual life at times :S I try to keep in mind that everyone’s time is precious these days but of course I love it when the peeps, who I regularly visit & leave a comment, stop by my place too

I’m a commenter who comments sporadically and only if a topic interests me or if I feel like it.

I have a blog and I try to respond to all comments. Some comments need no response, or there’s nothing to say to it. So I go with the ebb and flow of things.

I have felt in the past that if people come and comment on my blog that I kind of owe them to go and comment on their blog, but I’ve let that one go and only do so if I really feel like it.

If I comment on a blog with lots of commenters, I don’t really expect a reply of any kind. But on blogs with few commenters as a regular thing, it is nice to receive a response.

If I comment regularly on a blog and never get a response, I’m apt to bug out of reading that blog unless they are so entertaining that I get off on that only.

A blog is sort of like a home away from home and by blogging and putting it out there for public consumption, you are opening the doors to your home. It means you want to express yourself and interact with people. If you don’t want to interact then it’s easy to turn off the comments. There are bloggers who do that. But if you do keep comments open, I think you (general you) should respond to at least a few people who comment. Maybe not everyone, but some, or it looks like you really don’t care if people read your blog or not.

Here’s where I am on this topic:

1) If a blogger doesn’t respond to my comment, that might disappoint me if only because I (like a lot of people) enjoy having my contribution acknowledged. But it would not make me think less of the blogger — these things are never straightforward, and I think bloggers should be allowed to comment in exactly the way all of us are allowed to comment: if they have something to say.

2) But if a blogger does feel she has something to say in response to my comment, it would be nice if her response didn’t assume malicious intent on my part, or that I’m stupid, or a liar, or that I’m gaslighting her. Disagree with me all you want, but ad hominem responses seem regrettable.

To sum up as a commenter to someone else’s blog: I like to be acknowledged but I don’t expect it; I do expect a modicum of respect and that the blogger’s responses be restricted to the substance of my comment.

As a blogger, I try to respond to all the comments. I worry sometimes that I tend to pounce on commenters the moment they walk in the virtual doorway. I want visitors to Promantica to feel welcome to comment, that their comments are being read and appreciated, but that by commenting, visitors won’t actually trigger a lengthy dissertation from me. (My grandmother said I was a bulldozer when I was ten. In retrospect, she was not wrong.)

If I feel that my comment wouldn’t contribute anything substantial or add value then I generally don’t comment on my blog or any other blog. That’s just how I do things. I do respond to direct questions but other than that, no I don’t feel compelled to comment. I do care about what people have to say – all the time but I can see how a comment can seem like the owner is alienating her readers but I guess I don’t see it that way I guess. Must work on this. I’m horrible about email as well.

YES I do tend to notice that some readers do not comment on my blog even though I may comment on theirs and that’s my problem if I see a problem with that. Because I know what I can do about that if it is a continual problem for me (my lack of in-crowd status is showing here). But let’s be clear: I don’t have an issue with anyone and I have a ton of blogs on my reader. I comment when I feel I have something meaningful or non-meaningful to share. I guess it depends on my mood.

Yes, and bloggers who allow comments on their posts have to expect that not everyone who responds will agree with them.

I love it when disagreements happen. There is one regular commenter on my blog who always has a different take on things than I do. We have our discussions and in the end often agree to disagree. But I really enjoy it and I think we have a healthy respect for each other. I kind of find that when blog commenters are all rah, rah, you rock with no dissension ever, it’s boring.

I know of some bloggers who cut off comments the minute someone disagrees with them and I just don’t get that.

aw ladies you make me all sniffly. Or is it sniffely?

I find this whole discussion quite alarming because it suggests a lot of people view things very differently from me. I don’t respond to all comments on my blog and I comment pretty sporadically on other people’s blogs (I read a lot lot) more than would appear if you only looked at what I commented on.

The reason I’ve not tended to respond to every comment is three-fold. The first reason is that I assume other people are like me. Once I’ve read a post and left a comment I very rarely go back to see if my comment has been responded ro. The only exception to this is if there is a very energetic discussion going on that I am heavily invested in. I very rarely tick the option to get notified of follow up comments – maybe a few times a year I will do that. I have assumed that other people are largely the same but it seems I’m way off with that assumption.

The second reason is that often people will comment in a way that doesn’t seem to anticipate a response (nice post or something like that). If people ask me a direct question, I respond.

The third reason – and this is also relevant to the amount of commenting I do on other blogs – is that I am time-challenged. I have a demanding job, two kids, am trying to write a book and blogging is the one true *hobby* I have that has to be shoehorned in around everything else. The reason I do it is that I love blogging. I’ve thought about giving it up a ton of times and in the end, I’ve decided not to. I know I spend too much time doing it but I’ve found ways to minimise the time I spend. And one of my strategems is that I try very hard to resist the urge to comment on each and every post I read. I only comment where I really want to say something and I have the time.

I know that I don’t ‘network’ as well as other bloggers and I know that that impacts on my readership at my own blog. Blogging is like most things in life – you get out what you put in. I have to accept that because I have chosen to devote a limited amount of time to it, I’m never going to be Miss Super-Popular-Blogger, but that’s fine. So long as I have somewhere to post my nagging thoughts and a few like-minded people to share those thoughts with, I’m pretty happy with that.

Now I’m going to break my general rule and tick that box about follow up comments…

I lurk on quite a few blogs. Sometimes I’m not sure if I have anything to add, other times I’m afraid of being *too present* online, sometimes I’m not sure how to enter a particular blogging community, and sometimes I’m content simply to let the blogger and commenters make their points, even if I’m in substantial disagreement. Sometimes I promise myself I am going to make a comment, but then the days pass and it no longer seems relevant to go back to an earlier post. Sometimes I’m moved enough to post myself based on what I would have commented. In other words, there’s no one reason I don’t choose to comment, but it’s very rarely because I don’t “like” someone (I finally learned that if someone’s blog voice pisses me off that much, it’s best for me not to read their blog). I figure that most people are the same in that.

As for commenting on one’s own blog posts, I always struggle with trying to maintain a balance between being responsive and not trying to direct discussion to much. How many comments should I let pass before I chime in? Is there enough balance in the comments for me to chime in? If I comment, will it help or hinder the discussion as it’s progressing? Etc. etc. ad nauseum.

And depending on my mood, on the topic, on who’s reading the comments/post, on how much time I have, on where my thoughts are at a given moment, and on the phase of the moon, I realize I’m going to be seen as simultaneously having in inflexible opinion, of being contradictory, anti/pro author, anti/pro publisher, privileging or picking on some commenters, stifling dissent, being contradictory for its own sake, overanalyzing, oversimplifying, etc. etc. etc.

Ultimately, I know why I blog and what I think and value better than anyone else ever could or would want to. No matter what I do or don’t do, someone isn’t going to be happy. There are so many blogs and blog posts I wish I had more time to read and comment on (like the Book Smugglers, for example — I think they have a great blog, but I don’t think I’ve made one comment there). I try to keep up with conversations on Twitter as a way to keep in touch with those whose blogs I may not have time to keep up with regularly. Between a full-time job and a full-time life, blogging is important to me but it’s not a source of income or my main emotional support system, so if I’m going to fall short anywhere, I’d rather it be there.

I lurk more than I respond. It’s largely to do with my constant battle with writing skills and disliking writing. I don’t write well, which is why my points rarely came across well.

Because of that, my responses tend to be long-winded, trying to prevent possible misunderstandings happening, but in spite of this I still get misunderstood or come across too direct or rude, which is rarely my intention. Most times, it’s incoherent! All this is heavily tied to the pattern of my commenting behaviour. Basically, I’m much happier being a reader/lurker than a blog writer/commenter. I tend to respond if I have a question or opinion.

If I responded a lot, it usually means a) I’m truly passionate about a topic or b) my obligation to respond to anyone who specifically directed their responses to me (a habit left over from the Usenet days when members were expected to respond to each response directed at them. It’s part of the newsgroup etiquette).

I don’t blog much because of my poor writing skills or rather, disliking seeing my writing. When commenters respond, I tend to respond each one of them. In old days I responded even if it was more than 40+. It was insane and tiring, but I couldn’t ignore this sense of obligation. I think this is the same with Twitter. I recently made a rule: no need to respond if it’s more than 24 hours. This makes my life easier! I also like using Twitter because of its 140-character limit, which helps to minimise my deep dislike for my writing, therefore it’s easier to respond or comment on others’ tweets.

I don’t see anything wrong with bloggers not commenting at other blogs. It’s up there with bloggers commenting at almost all blogs. Nowt wrong with it either.

I try my best to respond to all comments on my blog. Then again, my blog has very low traffic, so that shouldn’t be hard, but even that sometimes is. I do catch up in a day or two though.

I cannot keep up with all the blogs in my Reader, and I’m constantly paring down my feed, Twitter, and FBooks lists of who I read regularly. Despite this, I tend to be far more of a reader than a contributor. I simply don’t have more time.

I have NO idea how SB Sarah and DA Jane manage with their children, day jobs, homes, and their huge Romancelandia committments. I’m in awe!

I maintain three blogs because I’m apparently insane. Each of the three only gets moderate amounts of comments, and I barely have the time to respond to comments most days so I triage my responsibility there, and that goes to the place that pays me (the Carina Press blog) but I don’t respond to every comment, only the ones that require a response. Though sometimes, if I’m responding to one commenter, I’ll respond to all of them because I don’t want to seem rude or like I’m ignoring them. Which seems like an unreasonable fear, but if Katiebabs can extrapolate someone being rude based on eye movement, what would someone else extrapolate from me responding to one comment but not another in the same post? I worry about that, in relation to the Carina blog!

For what it’s worth, SB Sarah and I have had past conversations about comments on her blog, actually several times, and she’s always said she has initiated the policy of not commenting on her own blog, unless someone is asking her a direct question, because she’s found that her posting in her own comments has often hindered the discussion. At her blog, the commenters direct the conversational flow and discussion.

And just to show how differently I think about things, sometimes I get irritated with blog owners who respond to every comment (and please, Sarah, don’t take this as any type of criticism of you, because it’s not and I think it’s nice that you’re obviously making an effort to make your commenters feel welcome) because sometimes there is no response needed to a comment, and the response slows/impedes the flow of the conversation. But also, I’ve noticed that some blog owners respond to every comment separately, with an individual comment, and that almost seems like trying to drive up the number of comments. And also, if I’m subscribed to a comment thread (and I pretty much always subscribe if I’ve left a comment, because otherwise I forget to come back and see if there’s been a response *snerk*–yeah, there’s irony there, I see it) and the blog owner is responding to everyone, then I feel like my inbox is getting clogged.

So, all that to say, from reading the above comments and putting my own thoughts out there, it’s clear that no blog owner is ever going to make everyone happy with their commenting policy. Ever. So we should probably all try to be concerned with only doing it how we want, screw the rest And probably work on being less judgmental or critical of blog owners who don’t do it just how we think they should. I’ll start by letting go of my irritation with a response to every comment. I can’t have everything my way, lol!

A comment thread broke the camel’s back for me at Dear Author.
On 5 Feb 2010 the Friday Midday links included an item about uber agent Steve Axelrod. It said he, “isn’t thrilled with the whole agency model because he, like Macintosh of Random House, isn’t convinced publishers know what they are doing in regards to pricing. He lays out 6 reasons why moving to the Agency model sounds like a mistake.”

And I asked, since the link led to the by subscription-only Publishers Marketplace website, “Are you allowed to share the six reasons Steve Axelrod is not impressed with the agency model? Since I’m not a subscriber to the closed website where his remarks were published (that you linked to).”

And Jane said back, “I didn’t feel like I could share them bc it felt like I would be stealing content from PM.”

“… felt like I would be stealing content from PM”. What does that make me, someone who wants Jane to “steal” content? Where does paraphrasing content from a source and giving them attribution = stealing? Could not even one reason have been shared? Well, that was it for me. I felt exposed, or in the words of the vernacular, bitch-slapped, for asking a pertinent follow-up question … edited to say: and I should add that I’m acknowledging that that is how “I felt” and I daresay it was not DA’s intention that I feel that way. That’s why I started with the phrase “straw that broke the camel’s back” … a straw being such an innocuous little piece of nothing.

Commenting on DA has not been a uniformly pleasant experience for me and for me there’s very little point in going back. You know what they say about people who don’t learn the lessons of history.

So it was her personal choice, because of her experiences in the past, to choose not to share PM content further than she did — or, as she categorized it, she felt like she would be “stealing content”. Except it isn’t stealing, is it? I subscribe to The New Yorker, for example, and I occasionally paraphrase content … and it is not dishonourable to do so.

Of course you have the history to know what has happened in the past when writers have cited PM, in whatever form. I didn’t. Does one sign an agreement not to do paraphrase comment? But of course Jane did paraphrase Axelrod’s comments, didn’t she … but she choose not to paraphrase further.

Forgive me if I say what I have already said, that this was “the” straw, for me. It was, again … here’s the Canadian in me … a somewhat abrupt way to respond to my question.

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. Sarah, my apologies again for hijacking your comments!

With all the time I’ve spent today reading and responding, I should have just written my own blog post.

In regards to comments: I used to respond to every comment on the blog (I believe Rowena still does), but I stopped for a couple of reasons. The two main ones are 1) time constraints and 2) relevancy.

My online time is more limited now than it used to be. I would prefer to spend the time I have writing new blog posts or leaving comments on other blogs, not responding to all the comments left at my blog.

That isn’t to say I don’t respond to some, but only if I feel I have something to say. I certainly don’t meant to offend or alienate people by doing this, but I feel somewhat ridiculous posting a “thanks for stopping by” comment. It feels condescending to me. (Not that I think that when OTHER people do it, only when I do it. I’m neurotic that way, I guess).

As for commenting on other blogs, the same rules apply. Unless I have something relevant to contribute, I don’t see the point in commenting just to comment.

I do love reading the comments we get on the site, though.

@Sybil:

But what would be the point for “the blog owner is trying to drive up the number of comments on the thread as well as their own traffic number”? I guess if you have advertising on a site, I can understand this, but if you are Joe Schmo blogger, what does this prove?

When it comes to other blogs – I comment when I have something to say. That’s generally about it. If I have nothing to add or my comment is essentially going to be nothing more than “I totally agree!” – I don’t bother.

As for responding to comments on my own blog? Totally depends on the post. I would say 90% of the time, I’m responding to everybody. Other times, the post is written as such that I *feel* it’s not necessary for me to respond to every single commenter unless someone chimes in with a question.

I think blog-hopping is good for the soul, and helps build a sense of community. That said, I know there is no way in heck I could leave comments on all the blogs I follow. There are not enough hours in the day. So I pick and choose, leaving comments when I have something to add.

Ok, well, in the past year+ I cut down my blog hopping from nearly 150 blogs a day, to … maybe 4 a day. I’ve always tried to comment on every post I visited, unless I thought I had nothing to say. [E.g. everyone's popping up with "oh congratulations" or it was a post about death/loss. I wasn't comfortable saying anything and felt it would be inane.]
Then, there were some blogs I dropped because it seemed like the owners were picking and choosing who to respond to – and not just one post, but I mean consistently. (Not everyone fits in with every community, and that’s just fine.)

As for commenting… I’m guilty of not commenting on my own blog[s]. I just… forget to go back and check. I do however, respond to every comment (if I know about it) at TGTBTU, but that’s because every comment from that post is automatically emailed to me. I also do like making people feel welcome- and in my head, I equate blog comments to a random “hello.” If a stranger, or you know, friend, says hello to me on the street, I’ll say hello back. Ignoring him/her would feel weird. [Unless it's a crazy or creeper. Which online I guess would be spam, or a troll.] I also know that’s just how I think of it, and I don’t expect anyone else to.
Ideally, I’d subscribe to comment threads, but I suck at email. I think I have something like 8K unread emails across all my accounts. On the one I check most I try to keep it at under 500, and every so often just blaze through and delete 400+ unread messages.

Anyway, I do think it depends on the person, the blog, the content, and the day. Basically, to each his or her own, and unless there’s a clear pattern, I don’t attribute any sort of motive to it.

And since this is an incredibly long comment I’ll just add to it and discuss the length to make it go on more. [Sorry for being long winded!]