I’m not sure whether it’s a case of the January blues, the after effects of the Blue Moon, or a post-Christmas funk. At any rate, the level of bitchiness online seems to be particularly virulent at the moment.
We all have our hot button issues. One of mine happens to be bullying. If I see what I perceive to be instances of unfair treatment of others, I go postal.
As some of you may know, MagdalenB – who wrote several guest posts for me in November – has started her own blog, Promantica. She writes mainly opinion pieces and has covered some interesting topics. I wouldn’t see Magdalen as being particularly controversial, but for some reason, she’s generated an…interesting…response from some members of the online romance community, or whatever term you want to use for romance fans who hang out online.
The most recent example is the comment thread for Janet/Robin’s thought-provoking post, Is Romance Heeding the Call of Nature? The insults then spread over onto Twitter. Now unless I’ve missed something, I don’t understand why Magdalen’s comments generated sarcasm and belittlement. She disagrees with some of Robin’s points. As it happens, I agree with more of Robin’s arguments on sex and morality in romance than I do with Magdalen’s, but that’s neither here nor there. I’m simply astounded that Magdalen received such a bashing for stating her opinion. (There was another recent instance when another DA commenter, AQ, was called a troll. Totally uncalled for in my opinion. NOT, I might add, by any of the DA bloggers.)
I could provide a long list of links to posts I’ve written which generated a mixed response. Some commenters agreed with whatever argument I’d presented; others were vehemently opposed to it. Unless someone feels the need to hurl insults around, I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me. The whole point of an op-ed is to generate a discussion, and an interesting discussion includes a variety of opinions.
As with any diverse group, there are some personalities which will rub you up the wrong way. Perhaps that’s the case with Magdalen and some of the DA commenters. Heck, I know there are a few people online who wish I’d crawl back under my rock and disappear. A couple even felt the need to share this information with me. You don’t have to like everyone, you don’t have to agree with everyone, but why treat someone with disrespect unless they’ve done the same to you?
I just don’t get it.
{ 19 comments }
I think your problem is that you’re just too nice for the internet, Sarah
@Ann Somerville: Me = nice? Perish the thought!
LOL I was going to say something along the lines of too nice and sensible.
I have no answers, human nature? The anonymity of the interwebs?? But I have noticed it on all blogs at some point, and quite regularly on forums lol.
I also think in some cases, people are marking their territory, regular commentators seem to think it is their turf to defend, and every comment not 100% in company line is a reason to attack.
It is kinda entertaining, I think it is my version of reality TV
Interestingly/coincidentally, there was an article in the NYT about exactly this tendency, in the larger context of experts rethinking their early support for the concept of “open source” on the internet:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/science/12tier.html?pagewanted=1&src=tptw
I think that Magdalen is lucky to have you as a friend. I can’t see why people need to take out their inner anger on others, and it really annoys me too.
@Alex Bledsoe:
That article has nothing to do with Sarah’s post. Given that you have a bug up your behind about fanfiction, and that article seems to be about piracy, are you astroturfing?
Hey, look! It’s my name! Sarah wrote a post about me!
I sure wish you hadn’t, in the sense that I wish things had happened differently and there had been no catalyst for this post, Sarah.
I believe I behaved on DA as I would like to be treated on my own blog: I discussed the issues, I explained what I was thinking where there seemed to be confusion, and I tried to concentrate more on the light of their points than on the heat. (Except for asking about “gaslighting.” I had to ask about “gaslighting.”)
Aye.Me? is right — you are a great friend. Not because you stuck up for me (which is a lovely thing to do, but it wouldn’t have been evidence of your unfriendliness if you hadn’t) but because you stuck up for your own principles. I applaud that. We all reveal our principles as we blog and as we comment; we reveal how we feel about other people and — often — how we feel about ourselves.
I hope you’re feeling chuffed about yourself, Sarah. I’m very proud of you for taking a stand against bullying. Even if it means that my post on this topic is going to seem like I got the idea from you!
I loved what you said here Magdalenb! “Not because you stuck up for me (which is a lovely thing to do, but it wouldn’t have been evidence of your unfriendliness if you hadn’t) but because you stuck up for your own principles. I applaud that. We all reveal our principles as we blog and as we comment; we reveal how we feel about other people and — often — how we feel about ourselves” … I struggled like an blistering idjit to come up with 140 characters about how I felt when what I perceived as an interesting dialogue somehow made a sharp shift over to a personal attack — and who’s to say in a way that a flat-out insult (think of it as a sharp jab to the solar plexus) isn’t preferable to thinly veiled put-downs.
I was just over at Facebook and call me thin-skinned, really, it’s OK, but there was a bubbly roiling surface of catty and caddish to so many of the comment threads I glanced at. Are we lacking in Vitamin D in the dark winter months? Decorum and discretion? Who’s to say?
I find myself staying out of op-ed discussions more and more these days because they always seem to dissolve into crap like this. I also find my blood pressure spiking because op-eds on topics such as these tend to dissolve into various sweeping generalizations about various sub genres and publishers.
Repeat after me: No Sub Genre Is All One Thing.
No all erotic-romance is porn. Not all Harlequins are about virgin heroines, secret babies and tycoons.
/end rant.
Unfortunately I’ve noticed this too. I would be horrified if some commenter went on my blog and started to unkindly bash my reviews, thoughts, etc. I was brought up to abide by the Golden Rule, if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say it.
I do think people’s opinions and thoughts are important to me, but bashing just seems so, well, high school.
Great discussion I love your thoughts.
LOL Wendy! NO SUB GENRE IS ALL ONE THING! I still think they sorta own the word virgin but my shelves are overflowing with HQN books and there ain’t a one of them that has virgin in the title. I will be Bart Simpson and write it 100 times!
I think some people think because they can not be seen it is okay to get hardcore with the keyboard. They talk a lot of smack and try to hurt others feelings because they cling to idea and will defend it to the death. When they get to name calling they are out of arguments that make sense and have to resort back to middle school behavior. I can not stand a bully either. I have a little spin on a great quote I read recently the quote was
“I have good idea, for if you meet some person from different religion and he want to make argument about God. My idea is, you listen to everything this man say about God. Never argue about God with him. Best thing to say is, ‘I agree with you.’ Then you go home, pray what you want. This is my idea for people to have peace about religion.”
I think this can be applied this way:
“If you meet someone with a different opinion you don’t agree with listen to what they have to say, then go back to whatever you were doing in the first place.”
Honestly if they dislike something someone said that much, this is the net after all, just stop following them and looking at their blog. But that is common sense and I have found common sense is not that common.
Blame this on all the virgins and Greek Tycoons who ravish them.
I agree with Magdalen. Sarah, you behave with integrity and expect others to do so, too. Unfortunately, most people take a very narrow view of the world: me, my, mine. Perceived annonymity on the Internet allows people to behave irresponsibly and unctuously, because they feel they can get away with it; society’s rules are not binding if people don’t truly know who they are. It’s a real pity that people with such chips on their shoulders get in the way of genuine give and take of ideas.
I purposely don’t write op-ed pieces. Shit, I’m too lazy. If that makes my blog boring then so-be- it. All I care about are reading great books and I may discuss some general things but I stay far away from hotbed issues. My resolution is to continue to avoid controversial topics/discussions. I may have slipped a time or two last year but I won’t in the future. My life is already full of drama. I don’t need or care for the online drama. But like you said, I can respect someone’s opinion even if I disagree with it. We can all agree to disagree and call it a day.
Edited for clarity.
I haven’t noticed a lot drama lately, but I have been hearing about it on twitter. I only hang out at happy places like your blog.
I was surprised by your post because I hadn’t noticed any of the animosity you mentioned here around the blogs I frequent *crosses fingers that I don’t*. Also, lately I’ve been hunkering down with my books.
But it’s disheartening to read that is happening. Very sad.
I agree with Wendy that’s it just not worth the rise in blood pressure or the grief that comes with a deteriorated conversation. It shouldn’t be difficult to maintain respect when commenting and/or participating in an online discussion. Even one comment is enough to turn you off a person for life, in my opinion, because once it’s out there, you can’t take it back. I try to show respect, always, and expect the same from those around me. Those who can’t show it aren’t worth the time or energy.
Thanks for all the comments! Apologies for general response but I’m on the hop. I’ll try to get back later.