I’ve mentioned that Susan Mallery’s books are guilty pleasure reads for me. Under Her Skin may well have cured me of my addiction.
Lexi is the eldest of the three Titan sisters. Their father, Jed, is a wealthy Texan businessman, who uses his money to control his daughters. Jed tells them that only one will inherit his fortune. Therefore, they have to prove which of them is the most deserving. (How, exactly, they are supposed to prove this is all rather vague.) The doormat middle sister, Skye, acts as Jed’s unofficial hostess and runs a charity; the slutty younger sister, Izzy, is an underwater welder on an oil rig; Lexi runs a luxurious day spa.
When Lexi started her business, she ran into some financial difficulties. Loath to ask her father for help, she agreed to a $2 million loan from an anonymous investor. The catch: the loan was callable at any time and with only three week’s notice. At the start of the book, Lexi’s bank manager has just informed her that the loan has been called. She has to come up with the money fast or lose everything.
Cruz Rodriguez was Lexi’s first love. He’s a self-made billionaire with stalker tendencies. Having not seen Lexi in over a decade, he shows up unexpectedly at a charity event hosted by her sister, Skye. After overhearing a conversation between Lexi and her banker, Cruz offers her an indecent proposal: a six-month sham engagement in exchange for $2 million. For reasons known only to herself, Lexi agrees to the scheme. Cruz proceeds to railroad his way into her life and into her bed.
This book was so bad it was – almost – amusing. It was sort of like the very worst of Harlequin Presents meets Dallas, complete with vindictive long-lost relatives, secret babies, domineering males, and TSTL heroines. One sex scene contains the classic line:
“Liquid heat poured through her.” page 124
Has Susan Mallery been using ‘The Romance Writers’ Phrase Book’ for inspiration?
Lexi has to be one of the dumbest female protagonists in romance fiction. Nothing she did made much sense. Here are just a few examples of her latent stupidity: talking a loan from an anonymous investor when she could have asked her rich sister for help; agreeing to be engaged to and sleep with Cruz within five minutes of meeting him at the party; not kicking Cruz’s ass when she found out about his daughter; confronting a potential villain on her own. But the crowning glory has to be the following line:
“When she’d first moved in with Cruz, she’d gone off her birth control pills so she would get her period and have an excuse not to sleep with him.” page 260
Aargh! Couldn’t she have just lied? Or simply told him to fuck off? Sheesh. And then she’s surprised when she gets pregnant…
Despite her idiocy, Lexi didn’t annoy me a fraction as much as Cruz. He is beyond doubt the most obnoxious alpha male hero I’ve ever encountered. The guy has no redeeming features. He’s an arrogant social climber with no value system. He has a daughter from a previous relationship whom he ignores. He sees nothing wrong with this behavior as he pays for her education. He manipulates and bullies Lexi, ostensibly for her own good. When he finds out Lexi is pregnant with his child, he storms out, later to be caught kissing an ex-girlfriend. His excuse?
“I was trying to clear my head.” page 312
Needless to say, Cruz and Lexi get their Happy Ever After. As they are both such unworthy creatures, they probably deserve each other.
This is the first book in a new quartet. Having endured the horror that is Under Her Skin, I don’t feel the need to subject myself to the rest. Grade: D
{ 4 comments }
I… wow. That sounds horrid. Parts of it remind me of my recent review of Christine Feehan’s “Burning Wild,” which really made me mad (emotionally abusive male lead). Sometimes I’m amazed books like this still make it to market, given how much trouble some very good stuff has getting published.
@Heather (errantdreams)
I’ve enjoyed some of Mallery’s previous books but this one just didn’t do it for me. While reading it, I alternated between outrage and hilarity. I think if an author already has an established readership, publishers are less fussy about the quality of her work. I don’t know this for sure, of course, but it’s an impression I get. While some of the books on the NYT bestseller list are deserving, there’s a lot of crap on there.
@Sarah
It makes sense to me. After all, there are a lot of intense fans who, once they get hooked on an author, will happily read anything by them. That definitely gives publishers an incentive to keep publishing anything a best-selling author gives them.
@Heather (errantdreams) Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum books spring to mind. I loved the first few but the last couple were unreadable. Much as I love series, sometimes it’s better for an author to end it on a high note rather than churning out sequel upon sequel, each one worse than its predecessor. My favourite series are those which have a clearly defined end in sight, such as a trilogy or a quartet.